5. The Finals Bonus Round
There were a bunch of other moments that were in the Receiving Votes category as well, but I don’t think it’s sufficiently appreciated how amazing it is that six Barstool employees were able to name 29 of the 30 states in that answer in the slobberknocker that was an all-time final. Hell, I’m amazed that six Barstool employees could name 29 STATES. Luckily, Jeff D. didn’t have everyone point out said states on a map, otherwise things could have gotten awkward.
4. Steven Cheah all the way Steven Cheah
Someone once said that Steven Cheah was either the dumbest smart person in the world or the smartest dumb person. I still don’t know which one it is. But the more things like this keep happening with him, it becomes increasingly clear that one of them is correct. And this is from someone who has been in #CheahHive since day one. The sick thing is, I’m pretty sure Big Cat and Rone hate being wrong a little less than they like being able to bust Steven’s balls about it.
3. I get Sandies out of the ass of my brain
I’m really not one for self-promotion, but you have to understand to this day that I still have no idea how well I answered that question. My brain was nothing but a black ocean as I tried to think of the answer, then it popped up for a millisecond before I got it right. I’ve never had the feeling that’s been going through my head before or since and Chris’ tweet summed up the roller coaster ride of my meddulha oblangata perfectly as I searched for a cookie I hadn’t thought of in at least 30 year.
Jeff’s reaction to this answer after seeing about a billion replies over the past two years says it all.
My favorite part about it, other than a much-needed point in the playoffs and my boss calling me a monster (in a good way, I think), is that I can now make fun of my brother Snackin’ Off KFC with Sandies for the rest of my life.
2. The Honkers go Mintzy’d
I love Minzy. The man exuberates more passion in one minute of his day than I have in my entire life. He’s an absolute delight to watch, whether he’s screaming about a big 3rd inning in an Ole Miss regular season college baseball game or performing at Super Bowl halftime.
However, a man with so much electricity flowing through his veins can’t easily turn it off and as he ended up burning his own team, which led to a classic image, as most Barstool moments do. after something unfortunate happens to an employee here.
It was nice to see Brandon Walker offer his condolences.
1. The Yak Gets Kenjac’d Up
THE YAK GOT…
The faces in the room right after that speak volumes.
Unfuckingreal and honestly, I’m still in shock over this. I heard KenJac say earlier that day that he had a grudge against The Yak and would like to pay him back. But never in a million years would I have thought he actually would. Not because there is unwritten code among The Dozen competitors or anything like that. Far from there. But because Big Cat and Rone might be the two people you least want to fuck with in this company outside of Portnoy, who probably won’t be in HQ anytime soon. Meanwhile, that’s what KenJac was greeted with when he walked to his “office” the day after this match aired.
Now that Pandora’s box has been opened, anyone who calls a colleague here at Barstool for a Phone A Friend will be thinking in the back of their head that they might end up being a Phone An Enemy because of something they said or did. Absolute mental war.
Luckily for Ziti, we have Barstool’s Mightiest Man running our ship and two big, happy, lucky guys who hopefully haven’t made too many enemies here. Nonetheless, kudos to the real BADDDDD BOYYYY from The Dozen for creating a legendary moment.
We need The Yak vs Team Smockin’ on Christmas Day. Make it Jeff D!
On to some random thoughts on The Dozen in general.
– Pray for Brandon. Seriously. I know he took that loss hard at the time, but having to sit there for two weeks and then go through it all again must be bad.
From everything I know about people who work or use Barstool, no one is going to pray for Brandon. That being said, it was wrong to give these shirts to trainees today.
I hope Ziti shirts have been sent to a beautiful African nation because the mere sight of them makes me want to cry.
– As long as we talk about this beautiful pasta dish, Ziti is not bad. We’re not great. We can sometimes be worse than good (See: The Chicago Show). And most certainly have dead spots on our trivia radar. But we sure shit ain’t bad considering we were over .500 as a full team this year despite the toughest schedule BY FAR in the league clearly because Jeff knows any team with me should face other main events.
Yeah yeah yeahhhh, I know people are watching Davey Pageviews. Nonetheless, I ask any #ZitiFam member to please vote for us in the fan polls next season, because being a double-digit seed was an absolute quagmire and we deserve better.
– Another team that deserved a higher ranking was Uptown Balls because those guys are fucking GOOD. You don’t usually have to say anything like that about newly crowned champions, but after watching them tear up the tournament, I only have #RE2PECT for these three finely crowned gentlemen.
After they beat us, I felt like we could have won if we had talked about the fired NFL coaches bonus round and the Candy Niche with those Sixlets assholes.
However, in hindsight, we probably would have just delayed the inevitable of being rolled over by the Uptown Balls (I was right about Inside Man btw. This fucking movie rules). Please upvote these guys next season as well because they are way too good to be a double-digit seed.
– Now that we’re in the offseason, it’s time to think about offseason moves.
As someone who enjoys the drafts, trades, and drama of free agency in sports probably more than watching the games, I love the idea of The Dozen incorporating all three. It’ll create fun teams, new rivalries, and loads of drama in a business that’s at its best when people are at each other’s throats. Reags said it best, even though he cursed himself by betraying The Misfits. #TeamHank
– That being said, I think I would retire before playing with anyone other than these two young men.
I still can’t believe I booped my boss
– If you’re a fan of The Dozen and haven’t watched the Behind The Dozen doc that was released, you’re missing something.
If you’re not a fan of The Dozen, why have you clicked on this blog, let alone made it this far? The only reason I can guess is that you’re a fan of me, in which case I love you more than you’ll ever know.
While we’re talking about The Dozen fans
– Dozen fans are the best. Jeff said it in his post-game speech, but you really are the best. The amount of love I get from Stoolies online or see in person for being The Snacks God or at some point on the show is amazing to me. Like everything else here at Barstool, fans are rocket fuel and The Dozen is no different.
– Dozen fans are the worst. Namely The Dozen fans who do shit like that.
If you’re writing shit like that to a complete stranger, you need help. If you think someone like Jeff D. Lowe is deliberately rigging a game knowing it would lead to a thousand anonymous people flooding his mentions, you’ve lost your mind. Jeff D. looks like he wants to vomit every time a minor controversy arises and there’s no way he rigged a tournament without having Frank The Tank or Big Cat in the final. Believe me, I grew up watching the NBA when David Stern was commissioner.
I think enough time has passed that we can use this gif again
– HOWEVAH, to piggyback on Jeff D. Lowe’s NCAA football point, I think every attendee of The Dozen should be allowed to leverage their NIL like college athletes. Maybe call us trivia athletes so I can be considered an athlete for the first time since 8th grade. If there are any snack companies, ziti companies, or companies that want to invest in the hottest internet quiz game on the planet, my DMs are open on Twitter. Remember, I have a family and my teammate puts asses in YouTube seats, so all offers must include at least a comma.
– Finally, it must be said again what an incredible job Jeff D. Lowe has done in building this show from a Zoom project during the scorching days of the pandemic into something that has developed a hardcore following and has looks as good if not better than almost anything we do here. It’s absolutely phenomenal how it’s all blossomed, in large part for everyone who has contributed to what Jeff has listed here.
You know a Barstool product is good when Portnoy says something like that.
It’s such bullshit that we haven’t had Jeff D. Lowe’s tears this year
– I only go to HQ about once a week when my schedule allows, but The Dozen Week is by far the biggest office buzz all year round and shows just how awesome Barstool can be when a group of people here work together. Clearly, there is evidence of shows’ ability to thrive living in their own little silos. But there are so many beautifully weird brains here that can work magic when they’re all mixed together. I hope more collaborations like this happen in the future, because whether it’s The Dozen, an electric chair with fans watching their teams, or a good draft of Dog Walk, I think it’s at this point Barstool is at its best as a whole.